I LOVED AND I WON

Ours was a love story that started like in the movies- first we were strangers, then we were lovers- felt like we couldn’t live a day apart from each other. She was just the perfect woman. Pretty, intelligent, respectful, very homely, teachable, dedicated to everything she sets out to do – the list goes on. And oh, that woman loves God. Like if I did  not know God myself and perhaps love him as much as she did, I would have been offended by how much she made everything about God. Her life, me, us, our relationship- everything was about God. Tasha was the type of woman, a Christian guy like me, could date only in my wildest of dreams. Yes that’s her name – Tasha. A name as sweet and lovely as she is. My Teddy-bear.💓💓💓

We had a pretty good thing going on. I mean, we were the model couple on campus and in fellowship and I was absolutely sure she was the one- my long awaited wife to be. And nothing was going to stop  us; no man (or woman) could stop us. I was that certain.Who would have imagined I would be writing this today, instead of telling the whole world how we finally got married and are living in Walt Disney’s happily ever after?😞😞

Unfortunately, our story ended rather abruptly. We graduated from the University and without even waiting to serve, she gained admission to study in faraway Canada for her masters degree with no likelihood of ever returning to Nigeria. Of course I didn’t want her to leave but I wasn’t much reason for her to stay either. And at the time, I couldn’t even afford traveling to Lagos by road talk more of Canada! 😂😂 So we began making consultations on the way forward. We prayed, spoke to friends most of whom thought we were absolutely delusional for thinking we had a chance, and did some further research on our chances. Yes, I actually googled “chances of a long distance relationship”. Don’t judge me! Sadly, it was all a waste of time. The reality of her leaving was already straining what was left of our relationship. Little things began to make us fight and we just began to grow apart. It didn’t take rocket science to realize that we (actually she) couldn’t deal with the distance and time. End of the matter is, I had to let her go. That was the only time that I was proud of the tears I shed. I wasn’t ashamed to cry for us.😢😢 


But the question remains why invest so much in a relationship that was doomed to crash without any offending force? I mean I did nothing wrong. Neither of us cheated. Hadn’t I just wasted 2 years of my life investing in what was not meant to be?  Hadn't “I loved and lost…” ? I was told a lot of things in attempts to console me, but only one came to make sense as time went by: we both had played our designated roles in each other’s lives. Our jobs having been done, it was time to move on.

You see, a lot of us (this doesn’t apply to you if you’re only in it for fun) go into relationships seeing only one possible result: marriage. And that is excellent. What else should we be in relationships for other than that we lay foundation for a lifetime together? However, despite this beautiful intention and effort, the reality is that a great percentage of relationships, no matter how well intended and pursued, do not lead to marriage and it is hardly the fault of any of the parties. The two could not just go on. A lot of things may be responsible and different explanations may be proffered. I do not intend to go into the reasons and solutions, if I knew them I would not be writing this. I would still be with Tasha.😒😒

Either way, I have come to learn one thing from all this: The value of time spent in a relationship is not determined by marriage. Don’t get me wrong! Marriage is the desirable destination. But I also believe that if every relationship was useless just because it didn’t end in marriage, then something must be fundamentally wrong with our ideologies of marriage. For me, the value of time spent is inherently dependent on each and every minute of the relationship. It is dependent on the help rendered to each other, the value added to the partner, the heights achieved together. Making it personal, what did I have to offer to Tasha? How did I make her a better person? What area of her life was transformed for good because I was with her?  Was I able to show her real love, the type of love that Christ had for the church, the type that God demands of her husband and which she deserves? How have I helped her today to be a woman that any man, even myself, will be proud to call his wife tomorrow?

As I ask myself these questions, my heart trembles with fear.😩😩Fear that I almost lost the opportunity to make an impact in her life. Fear that maybe, just maybe, I did not live up to the task. But above all, Fear that I may not have used my time well with her. Now all I keep asking myself is, have I really finished the role assigned for me in her life or have I just exhausted my time. Painfully, only Tasha can give an answer.

But if asked about Tasha, I know my answer. I cannot but be grateful that I met Tasha. I can go ahead and count a hundred and one ways of how she has made me a better person. I can tell of how she taught me how to love her unconditionally as Christ did the church. I can tell how she inspired me to aspire and work for excellence and never settle for less. I can tell how my relationship with God is better because of her. I can tell how she taught me to value and cherish my family and relations. I surely can tell how she taught me to write- all the letters and love notes we exchanged in class gave me all the boldness I needed to write this to you. I can keep going on. For me, it was a win. Loving her was the biggest jackpot I ever hit. I loved Tasha and I won.🙌🙌🙌

So where does this leave us? I believe we cannot all know with absolute certainty who our spouse is eventually going to be. We also cannot go on a relationship spree hoping that the present one will be the one but ready to jump into the next one with reckless abandon if the earlier one fails. That will just be insane. But this we can do, we can ensure that whoever we are with right now, becomes better because he/she is with us today. We can ensure that we make out of that person, a spouse we want for ourselves whether or not we end up with them. We can make them better husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, children, entrepreneurs, Christians, statesmen; we can make them better- way better than we met them. That may just be why God brought us into their lives.

I pray with all of my heart that the next lady I will love and be with, will be my wife. But until she actually becomes my wife, I will from day one begin to invest in her, build her and love her into the perfect woman for her man. That will be victory for me. That will be...my epic win.

FYI:    This is neither fiction nor non-fiction.

KIGAI MANDEY ZONTONG

Kigai is a Legal Practitioner currently based in Jos. He is passionate about Christian youths living lives of excellence in their various spheres of influence. He is definitely not an expert in relationship matters, but is not afraid to share the little his short life has taught him.

He can be reached through:

kigaizontong@yahoo.com, lordkigaizons@gmail.com, www.facebook.com/kigaiz, https://ng.linkedin.com/in/kigai-mandey-zontong-803626114

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