ROLE PLAY

As a proverbs 31 woman, your husband is your king! A virtuous woman knows she must get up in the morning ahead of the entire family... bla bla bla" 

Statements, like this one was the reason I dreaded going to church on Mother's day or any other day that celebrated women in church. I'm not saying they were not interesting ooo, or that I had anything against Proverbs 31 per se. For me, any sermon targeted at depriving me of my sleep couldn't be from Jesus Christ 😂😂

 So typically, I'd space out while the female guest speakers would ramble about how being a super house help was the equivalent of the Proverbs 31 woman. What a joke? Like seriously who has it all together in this life?😒😒😒  Wasn’t  the whole scripture a covert operation to scare young girls from womanhood? *ok, maybe that’s too much, sorry too much movies😝* Because you needed to have seen the faces of the ladies who in the course of the sermon remembered how disorganized their lives were and how they could never pass for being a wife. I am not saying I was among oo. Plix plix mbok! I don’t like what I hate…

So me I just used to kuku tell myself "that's why my name is Ijeoma Unachukwu and not “Akpan”. Because if being the Proverbs 31 woman means being a glorified house wife/help, then mbanunu. I cannot comman go and kee myself."

In retrospect, I believe my opinion had a lot to do with my background. You see, I had my own ideals of what it meant to be a superwoman and it had nothing to do with slaving for some king or doing chores. As a young chap, my mother was the closest I had come to seeing super woman. I mean, She was a top-notch medical doctor at a time when most women were just comfortable answering Mrs. upandan and yet she was married as well (for all those who think you can't maintain a career and marriage 😜) to an Amazing man (if I may add). Honestly, I lie not. I think my father is the closest I've come to seeing Jesus Christ (stop looking at me like that mbok, is it your father or your own Jesus Christ?)😏😏

But with her professional pursuits, came sacrifices. She couldn’t do it all and it meant dad had to pick us from school sometimes and  come for some open days. That was more real to me. She didn’t run around trying to do it all and mounting unnecessary pressure on herself. So why won’t she blossom when she married a man who was willing to water her and support her dreams? She knew who she was and had nothing to prove to anyone...Absolutely nobody!

But like all fairytales, mum and dad were not forever. Dad got sick, real sick. And as an icon in the medical profession, her colleagues rallied round her. It was beautiful. She had impacted so many lives and given to so many people that they could not help but do same for her in her time of need. And  truth be told, losing dad, was a painful experience. I think the closest to death she had come... but she survived. 

Now that’s  superwoman! She has her own life, her personal goals and dreams. She has a family but she is not just about her family. She has and exists in her own space where she flourishes and blossoms! She is a woman that will give her husband the peace to rest on. Ready in all seasons to give it what it demands. She is afraid. But she will do what she has to do afraid…

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So one day, I happened to be strolling along some bible passages when I stumbled unto Proverbs 31. errm so I forgot to tell you guys that I had conveniently never read that part of the bible before. Those speakers always preached the heck out of it joor. I felt like there was no need reading a part of the bible that was not my portion 😂. Well, turns out there is actually more to the woman than being a wife and a mother.  I was so excited! In your face, annoying guest speakers😜😜.

However, as I read the verses and saw the roles that made up the epitome of this woman's life, I saw something that I lacked. You see eh, I'm the type of girl who wants to save the world. I want to make a difference and so I work. I can work for Africa. I feel like that's the only thing that really matters and almost every other area of my life suffers. I forget people’s birthdays, my blog suffers, I don't call to check up on people and afterwards I beat myself up. Somedays,  It is almost impossible juggling all the areas of my life together that  I literally crash. Guys, even when I want to lay my bed, I'm like ‘I have more important things to do… there is no time for a laid bed’😔. So I tend to want to do the big things and neglect the small things because for me, that's a higher purpose... saving the world. And I was happy reading the Proverbs 31 woman until I realized...

She cares about the little things. It is from them that she finds the strength to do the big things. In other words, balance! She has a system that caters for both her family and her personal dreams and ambitions. And that was mum too. But that wasn't me. Somehow I'd come to believe one had to be sacrificed for the other and I had already picked my career and professional goals. Don’t blame me joor, I just want my kids to be as proud of me as I am of my mother, the able professor! And I have a problem with women who just lose their identity because they got married and had kids. It irks me! All of a sudden, it’s now “my husband oo” or “my kids”. Sister what of “you” ooo? Maybe this made me to tilt a bit to the extreme a tinsy winsy bit. But as I've been told, If you continue with my mindset, you will end up miserable and alone...

So guys,  lets strike a balance. If you can’t handle it all and you need help, get it! Find a system! Talk to your husband ! abi he has hands too? 😉. There are no rules for these things. As my amazing best friend would always tell me, "In the end, it's your life, Babe you make the rules. Do what works for you". For my beautiful Sisters, getting married is really not a ticket for losing your personal drive and ambitions and having a career is also not an excuse for neglecting other areas of your life as well. It is counter productive to sacrifice your home on the altar of your career or a laid bed for big briefs and contracts. Don’t get me wrong, I know it's not easy playing all those roles at once, wife/husband, mother/father, successful career man/woman, son/daughter, slay mama/slay papa. * slay papa don’t sound right though😂😂* You have to be a thousand things to a lot of people at the same time and it's easy to get sucked into one role or even all the roles sef. And guess what? The scripts keep piling up! New responsibilities everyday!  And you get worn out! Don't beat yourself up!  Don’t get carried away in all of life’s role-play that you forget that the roles don’t make you. Strive for balance and ask God and people for help till you find your balance! Get the pressure of yourself, life is really not a competition. Because in the end, if you do not figure this out early enough as young professionals, you will work too hard and hurt too much trying to do it all and be it all only to discover that you missed it all.  And then indeed you would become, most pitied of all... 

Did you see my flows with the "alls". 😂😂😂😂 Kai, I am a boss!!!!Watch out for the next post. Sorry I went AWOL! I'll explain in the next post. You will not believe what a sister has gone through!!