VALIDATIONS

I want to start by asking you a question; `If something monumental happens in your life and you put it on the social media, take for instance Facebook, but nobody likes it or comments on it, did it really happen?’ I ask this, because I have seen people who had something great happen in their life, something worth celebrating which they actually celebrated and are happy about, but because they posted this thing on Facebook and nobody or very few people liked it and/or commented on it, they become so gloomy and sad almost as if that great thing never happened to them. This got me thinking about the fast-growing addiction and craving of we young people not just for social media validations, but societal attestation and approval.

I grew up in a home that housed not just my close family members but also a few cousins. I had this particular cousin, who was then to me while growing up everything I wanted to be when I grow up. She had the perfect taste in fashion, the best command of English, the best grades, very intelligent, most loved and most listened to. And so, I found myself running to her always for advice, instructions and guidelines for almost everything. What she said was good for me, became the best for me and what she said was not acceptable, became a taboo for me.

As a result, I grew up liking what she liked and doing what she did. I began comparing myself to her and when I fail at something she was ordinarily good at, I condemned myself and hated myself. Strangely and most painful was that no matter how much I tried, I never seemed to measure up to her standards. She was always better than I was and so I grew up thinking myself to be never good at anything.

This continued until I discovered something; `I was not good enough because she never said I was good and she never may’, and with that knowledge, I began a new journey of self-discovery...

Enough about myself, let’s talk about you. How often does your next line of action depend on the feedback you get from people? How often do you rate your success in the light of your friends and family’s opinion? What about that smile that came over your face when you saw that your post on Facebook had hit a couple of hundred likes or was it a strange mood that came over you because that post you made 9hours ago had only gotten 11likes.

This may seem not to be a big deal but if you have any plans of climbing the ladder of success which I know you do, then an end must be put to this craving for external validation.

Taking a cue from our maker, the Good Book told us that when God created the world, He looked at it and said it was good. He didn’t go calling on Angel Michael to ask him his opinion on his handiwork, nor was any of the angels called upon to do so. Note also that no part of the scripture informed us that God felt better and proud of what he did when the angels upon admiring his work gave him thumbs up. He rather validated his work by Himself.

There is no doubt that compliments and validations are good and could boost and encourage us into continuing whatever good work we were doing, but in a world where everyone is busy with their lives and problems, depending on it is most definitely a wrong choice. That is why there arises the need as you continue walking your way to greatness to discover yourself and learn to be your own support system.

Please note that this is not a call to close your ears to advice from well-meaning family members and friends, or desist from asking questions from people who are skilled in that area where you need help or a call to be the legendary king who never listens to anybody. Far from that. The place and importance of seeking advice, asking questions and making enquiries cannot be over-emphasized, for as was rightly said, `the one who ask questions never gets lost’. No truer statement has ever been made, but a line must be drawn.

Questions should be asked for the purpose of clarification, illumination and direction, but when your purpose or reason for asking questions is to know what you are to do, then a problem arises. 

In my opinion, that is just the recipe for something even more painful: Confusion

Because in the end, neither society nor friends nor an App can truly figure out what you want more than you!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR 

Chimnonso Onyekwelu is the CIO (Chief Impact Officer) at Giftednonny, which helps writers live a better life by crafting a better world through the pen-power. She is also a legal practitioner with years of experience in writing gig. Nonny now advises and trains wannabe writers on how to make an impact in the writing industry. She enjoys reading novels and travelling. She is available for freelance writing, expert advises and private consultations on to launching your dreams of making an impact. You can reach her via Facebook @ Chimnonso Onyekwelu or on Instagram @ Chimnonso Onyekwelu.

She also just launched her blog, check it out @ www.giftednonny.com. 

And if you were wondering who our blog model is, that's the Author!!