Today, I am going to be doing more of a self-reflection kind of thing. So
Nothing I say has to annoy you today *unless of course, it is guilty conscience
that is doing you*, and that one is completely your business. I don’t know why
people will just stay and make my personal reflection about them. 😉😉
Anyway,
over the past 6 months as a Youth Corp member, I've learnt a lot about myself.
Ok, I won't say I learnt them, let's just say it was more of a reminder. Well,
me I don't know ooo💁, but people say I'm hard, unemotional, unromantic bla bla bla.
They say it's like I leave my heart in the freezer every morning and come out
ready to terrorize men. My colleagues in
the office even go as far as saying that they pray they don't see me in Shiloh
2025 calling forth a man's picture to be my husband. *this one dey pain sha*. Nonsense children.😂😂😂
Errrmm,
they aren't completely wrong sha. But
eh heh, so what? So what if I am a
bit tough or unemotional as they call me? Would it be so wrong with the rate of
heart breaks in Africa? As I am talking to you now now now, one guy or geh is busy using the “it's not you, it's
me” line 😤. Aya If you think I am lying check out Joro's instagram handle *Actually
don’t, it will just quadruple your trust issues* I’ve just watched people who
genuinely love get a dirty slap in the face. And it makes me worry. From experience, there
doesn't seem to be any kind of formula or theory for relationships. If you do
good wahala, do bad nsobu. 🙆🙆🙆
That's
why I believe dating, courting or whatever people call it, is not a joke.
It's a serious decision that you actually pray about, a decision that you do
not make in a void especially because marriage should be in view. Honestly, It
baffles me when people hear I have been in xx amount of relationships and they
are like, only? That's all? Nothing
remain? (I want to tell you the number of relationships I've been in, but
my mum actually takes her time to read these posts, I love my life, no vex!). 🏃🏃
Guys,
becoming a serial dater doesn't guarantee early marriage. No be competition. It
can’t even form part of your cv 😂😂 So what’s the hurry? Why are we so careless
about it? Why would you rather pay more attention to a prospective business
partner than a lover? Money over your heart ba? 😒For me sha, I always say my
heart is way too small to break into many bits. Rather than date to pass time, I’d
rather just go and watch Wonder Woman again and probably "kee" myself. (PS: I
didn’t enjoy that movie one bit) Aya
sorry, I'm sure you loved the movie too. I just feel we are getting it wrong these
days because we randomize relationships. When you give all of yourself (NB: I am
not even talking of sex), to a nobody, what do you expect? That your love will
turn a frog into a king or queen? 😂😂😂
Another question I have is, is it possible to love too much
in a relationship? Aren't there limits to the sacrifice I can make for love? Or am I
selfish or heartless for asking this question too? Because I've seen people
make humongous sacrifices in their relationships, spend huge amounts of money,
move from Sokoto to Jalingo all for love and sometimes I can’t help but feel like
they were too bold to have given too much too early. Typically, the story
always ends with them saying, they gave more than they had in those relationships
with nothing left to give their spouses in Marriage. Like their love “have”
finish kpata kpata.😩😩 Is that type of
relationship even healthy? At what stage is it okay to give too much? And does an eventual and unforeseeable break
up make it worthless? If you can reasonably answer my question in the comment section,
I'll give you one free sweet! 😂😂 I really
need answers sha...
So in
response to all these, I put up my walls, chose to form rock. Shut out all my
emotions *like Daemian in vampire diaries 😂😂* in order to survive. Because my brother, it seemed like a Prey or be Preyed
upon kind of world out there. A lot of ladies have chosen this same path, and
trust me, it has paid off. Our hearts are safe and even if we enter any
relationship, we never enter all in. We hold back, so that if it doesn't work
we will be like, ‘I knew it’. 😏😏
My sister we have a problem o. *I
know that's not the reaction you were expecting*😂Our ‘rocky’ attitude is a big
problem. That's why today if you look at a lot of relationships, you can't tell
who the woman is. You just see 2 rocks dating!😂 Our coping mechanisms may just
be our undoing. No man wants to date a rock, if you can’t bring all your ‘feminity’
and emotions to the table, just tell the man so he can kuku go and date a guy. Please ooo, I am not saying that guys
aren't entitled to be emotional in relationships, or it’s their job to form
rock. I am just saying that guys are naturally inclined to form rock and yh, I
know it’s annoying.
For
some of us, we are actually mushy on the inside and intend on unveiling same in
the relationship and I don't doubt it. I trust your mushiness 100%. But when I look
at it critically, there is still a huge possibility for us to enter
relationships and still be lonely, to always hold back, to carry our trust
issues and other baggage inside. Why?
Because it's what we’ve been doing our whole lives, practising rock-science and practice always makes perfect. So just
loosen up a bit ehh, no be fight!
Furthermore,
one of the perks of being in a relationship is vulnerability. You can't avoid
or rock your way through it. Being vulnerable doesn't make you foolish. Don't
let other peoples' experiences as well as your past bad experiences cheat you
of the beauty of companionship that spills from a meaningful relationship. Our problem today, is that we are usually
vulnerable to mumu people. The trick is to be careful with your choice of man
or woman, choose someone in whose arms your vulnerability will be safe.💕 And guess who I think can guide you in that
choice? God ooo. *lemme carry myself and go before they say I have brought
God inside* 🏃🏃 But it's the truth.
Now I
am not saying when you enter a relationship you just lose all sense of
reasoning and be mushiiinng up and down🙅🙅 No! There are some ladies who do this
one. Mbanunu, I do not agree. Don't
leave your sense outside the relationship. Bring it along with you iya? Bring the whole package. The key is to find a balance!
Well,
na just my personal reflection o. You see, I did not annoy you today ba? Guilty conscience, let it pain you 😛😛 . Please, don't forget to answer my questions in red ink in the Comment section oo!! Abeg, don't read and just go! I need epp!
Wooow ijay i totally dig your point, this rock science issue no be here, but a great person once said pain shouldn't make you harder it should make you stronger, think the issue with most of us is that our pain has made us externally harder but internally weak, which is why we have women falling into worse emotionak traps, because there woukd akways be someone willing to climb over the hardness and hurt the real you thats weak
ReplyDeleteGbemi, its so true oo. So in other words, the fact that you are forming exterior hardness doesn't mean that you are actually tough indeed. there is more to being tough than forming rock. but Gbemi, is it okay to love too much in a relationship? At what stage is it okay to give your all. and those relationships where they say they gave their all and are now completely depleted nko?
DeleteI kind of agree with your thoughts in the article that because we tend to be afraid to give all of ourselves, we hold part of ourselves back which in the end might lead to what we were trying to avoid in the first place. For example, you are afraid of being cheated on or getting heartbroken, you now hold a bit of yourself back, meanwhile it is that act of holding yourself back which leads the other person to thinking you are not really into them or you are also hanging out with someone else, and leads to them cheating or leaving, thereby creating the ending you were afraid of in the first place. It's the same issue I have with people who double date and argue that they don't want to put their eggs in one basket. You are already sabotaging the relationship before you even start.
ReplyDeleteI think there has to be a balance, nobody is saying a girl or guy should turn into a mumu, but if any relationship is going to have a chance of working, you are going to have to give it your all and commit to actually seeing things through, not keeping one eye on the exit, ready to flee at the first sign of danger, which is why relationships are not to be entered into lightly. You are going to have to give it that chance and satisfy yourself that you gave it your all, cos in the end, I think it's not about the other person, it's about you, it's about satisfying yourself that you gave your all. If you do that and you get heartbroken, then shame on the other party, it's no stain on you, it's not your fault. Let's not be so afraid of bad endings that we forget that there are also happily ever afters. I choose to love fully and wholeheartedly because half measures to me aren't worth it.
My two cents.
Ijay, I didn't know you follow Joroolumofin too o, have you sent any mails seeking advice???
Oludare Onakoya.
Dare le boo, so true...which kind advice? lol! but it's hard to give your all oo..but you sure have a point. not giving your all is counter productive! thanks boo. Aya come and collect sweet
DeleteAwesome write up. I share your perspective
ReplyDeleteAwesome read. Ever wondered why in the Bible(permit me) we are asked to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength? Because that is the entire package. The same thing applies to our relationships. We cannot give any less and still claim that we truly love (of course they come in phases and all, but that's the whole package). Wonderful work Ijeoma
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ReplyDeleteNice one Jay,
ReplyDeleteTruth is relationship whatever the type comes and grows into different phases. What phase we find ourselves i believe should guide the level of commitment we put into a relationship.
For instance, you are guys are still knowing each other, you are yet to know the future plans (shortterm and long term), preference, struggles, perception of life and all those information that are likely to sway our feelings and commitment one way or the other.
Giving your all at that phase of zero or knowledge of the prospective lover or spouse is very dangerous, especially when it is hinged on the sole fact that a proposal has been made or there is mutual feeling of love, attraction and desire to be together.
We must watch our relationship grow... We never truly give all(consciously and unconsciously) until the point of no return. Usually when we are certain of marriage and sometimes even until the knots are tied.
I would rather advice that the level commitment or ourselves we give to a relationship must grow as the relationship grows into newer and deeper phases.
Pray, understudy, love but don't be quick to pure all your wine once there is love In the air. Watch the air and nurture first.
hmmmm. you have given me a lot to think about my son! lol! thanks bro!
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