PANIC ALERT

"No No No....this can't be happening again”. I tried to force air through my lungs for the umpteenth time. The white bathroom walls were rapidly closing in on me again. I couldn’t breathe. I really couldn’t breathe. It felt like someone had knotted my thoracic cavity into a perfect bow. My black suit felt tight. My inner wear too.  Everything felt tight! I needed to strip, but I was in the office. I ran cold water through my braided wig for some relief. Dang! I threw the wig to the dark blue tiled floor. I turned off the water faucet while I held on to the washing hand basin for support.   "Ijeoma, you will be fine”, was all I could unconvincingly mutter while I tried to look at what was left of me in the mirror. My vision had depleted over the weeks from my poor eating habits. I looked horrible. How was it that I had done all these to myself? I mean, No one beat me. I wasn’t owing money. Didn’t join a cult that was after my life either. I was just really afraid. It was a type of fear I had never felt before. Fear that felt so tangible, scathed my mind and terrorized me with a worse possibility, “ What if I had just made the biggest mistake of my life".😱😱😱😱

C’mon guys! No, I wasn't pregnant either! 😒😒. That’s not the only problem women have. Duhhh! I’d been having panic attacks for a couple of weeks and that was just one of the mild episodes. Honestly, I cannot categorically tell you the cause. I just know it had a lot to do with the future, finishing N.Y.S.C service, turning 18, sharrap is it your age?😏😏,  and feeling a lot of self-imposed pressure to get it right. Like my problems were not enough, people kept asking me stupid questions like "what's next?” which cumulatively and surreptitiously gave me a heart attack.

Now, my biggest problem was not just anxiety about the future but also indecision. I couldn't think straight. I was constantly afraid of making the wrong decision. To worsen it, the pressure was out of this world.😓   It felt like my entire life was hinged on making just one decision and once I missed it, my life would go scrrrrrppa! Poom poomm Skia!💣💣you know what I mean na 😂😂. I started second guessing my life. All of a sudden, I didn't know whether what I wanted was what I wanted or what people had told me that I should want. So tell me, how in God’s name was I going to go make it through life, if I didn't think I was the best person to make my own decisions ? If I kept second-guessing myself at every turn? The beginning of my life was beginning to feel like a very dramatic end?🙆🙆

Now, I feel this phase is inevitable for everybody, maybe with less drama sha, you know I am the queen of drama *straightens crown*,  especially for those of you, LIKE ME, who don’t know shingbai about how to start out and are confronted with a thousand decisions to make. As a fellow sojourner in the journey of the unknown, can I help? 

First of all, it's okay to make mistakes. I mean it! Actually, you need to understand that it’s inevitable. This is not secondary school. No mean teacher is going to put a big X over your script. You are just starting out for God’s sake! How on earth do you expect to get it right when you are putting all that pressure on yourself in the first place? This is not the time to be too careful that you don’t take risks joor. What you should be afraid of shouldn’t be “mistakes” but the “fear of making mistakes”. That fear will shove you further down a vicious cycle of indecision and mediocrity, which for me is worse than hell fire sef, just saying 💁 .  Aya wait let me make my point in the most elementary way possible. Life is not a video game. It's not Grand theft Auto or Metal Gear Solid where, once the bad guy 🔫 you or you make the wrong move, you die! Game over!  In real life, you learn from those mistakes, get  chances and opportunities to do it better, doesn't mean you should be careless sha. But Remove that pressure! You really can’t afford it!🙅🙅

Secondly, you need to pray hard because the older you get, the tougher the choices. See eh, gone are those days when we were torn between obviously wrong and right choices. E.g. making a choice between pouring extra pepper in your brothers “rice and stew” for school, because he refused to give you the indomie that you begged for last night OR using that time to go and read your books. Plix I did not do anything wrong, if I beg you for something, just give me so I don’t have to torture myself about how to poison you.😂😂As I was saying, it’s different now, the decisions are way tougher. So you need prayers and plenty wisdom. Let me tell you why you need prayers. Please oo it's not because you want God to make the decisions for you,  it's because you need him to give you a certain peace that allows you think clearly and make the best decision with all the available information.  You will not listen now, be thinking you are a boss. 💅💅

Thirdly, one of the reasons for this panic phase is the fear of uncertainty. Admit it! You know I’m right! You hate not fully knowing what’s next. Amebo😂. But you need to accept that this is YOUR life and it's a completely NEW story being written. Uncle, with novelty comes uncertainty and you can’t run from it. But I fear, like me, you aren’t aware of this fact. I say this because I see you subconsciously trying to relive the lives of your successful father or legendary aunt.  I'm not saying it’s bad to have people you look up to. Just be careful not to sell the uniqueness of your story for predictability and comfort.   You are a new product not okirika or bend down select, Girls you know what I mean na. 😂 Don't try explaining your decisions to everyone because not everybody will understand, no matter how hard you try.  At the core of it, you need to have more confidence in yourself. You are smart enough to make your own decisions. Stop trusting people more with your own life than yourself. Your story is NEW: N- ever E-ver been W-ritten. Okay, I sucked at that, Aya come and beat me . 👅

Above all, turn that fear of the unknown into Excitement.  Here is one of our  post that I really think will give you a head start this year. Happy New Year Darlings! It is going to be an awesome year! 

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